These Words shared by My Father That Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- reality TV star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

But the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her chief support in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The simple statement "You are not in a healthy space. You require some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to discussing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles new fathers face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are part of a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who continue to absorb negative perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It's not a show of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, explains men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to request a pause - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, turning in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the pursuits that made you feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - eating well, staying active and where possible, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - listening to their stories, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can care for your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the frustrations constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their pain, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I think my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."